JOKES

BAD NEWS

An airliner is flying accross country, when the pilot comes on the PA to announce, "we have some bad news. One of the engines just failed and as a result, we will be delayed by 30 minutes."

A bit later, the pilot returns, "we have some more bad news. Another engine just failed, and we will be delayed an additional hour."

Another bit later, "Sorry folks, more bad news. A third engine just failed, and so, since we will be running only on the one remaining engine, the flight will be delayed by another two hours."

At this point, a disgruntled passenger turns to his neighbor and says, "I sure hope that last engine keeps working or else we'll be up here all night!"

POLICE & LAWYER

A lawyer drives through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman. He thinks that he is cleverer than the officer and decides to talk his way out of a fine.

  "Show me your licence and registration," says the policeman.

 "What for?" says the lawyer.

 "You didn't stop at the stop sign."

"I slowed down and no-one was coming."

 "You still didn't come to a complete stop."

"What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law."

"If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop," says the lawyer, "I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go."

"Get out of the vehicle, please, sir," says the policeman.

    The solicitor gets out and the policeman starts beating the hell out of him with his truncheon. "Do you want me to stop?" asks the cop, "or just slow down?"